~ reflection ~

yesterday, while having dinner with my colleague, my church friend asked if i would like to join them for dinner but since i already promised my colleague, so i ate dinner with her first before i head down to east coast to meet my church friends.

saw their outing photos and they look so much fun lor. i always wanted to do that but though i had the opportunity, i did not go. cause my poly friends actually did organise trips to mountain climbing and even bintan or thai trips but i rejected them. mainly because i cannot make it. would be good to go though... expand my horizon. haha...

we also went chilling at the beach. it's so windy and refreshing sitting there... the only thing is i have been quiet... i am not sure if it's because of the communication class i been attending causing me to be in such reactions... basically, i do not really know how i should talk or reply so i kept quiet but it kinda feel awkward and i really felt like leaving cause everyone's talking except me. i feel so out... i wanted to talk but i don't know what to say. i wanted to join but i just dunno how i should join in. probably also because i am so afraid that i will cause some unhappiness later on... well the class said if you have nothing to say, dun say anything or if what you say is not uplifting, dun speak... at that moment, i really dun think i can say anything uplifting with the thoughts running thru in me. i kept quiet. even on my way back, i am quiet... suddenly i dunno how to talk... it's like we are total strangers and my heart is beating really fast when i sat at the passenger seat...

today i am all alone at home and did some reflection... when i am going to make myself a cup of coffee, i noticed that i dun have hot water... i started to think that when my mum's at home, i dun have such things as no hot water or no clothes to wear... somehow i felt that this opportunity of running the home is not by chance but an arrangement by God to remind me not to take things for granted. i can't even manage my house now let alone handling a family of my own and my priorities are all wrong... i simply am not disciplined enough to do all the things i should have done but instead i keep looking at my comp for hours without doing anything productive... God only took away my mum for 3 weeks and my house is in a mess... i can't even tidy up the place properly. yes i did do the laundry and ironing but sadly that's not the only things that i should do... sometimes we can have no boiled water for consumptions and i must confess i didn't always wash the clothes everyday... very ill-disciplined i must say.